


My Strange Addiction

by hoobab



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Bad Ending, Bad Writing, Bagels, Choking, Comfort Food, Crack, Drama, Face Slapping, Food Issues, Gen, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Slapping, Snacks & Snack Food, The Author Regrets Everything, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 00:02:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18953740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoobab/pseuds/hoobab
Summary: Recently, Hongjoong had developed an unusual taste for blueberry bagels. Not a toasted, crunchy blueberry bagel with cream cheese squished between, but a dry hunk of bread sparsely flecked with fruit in it. This was a crime against humanity. Little babies and puppies were dying every time the older casually stuffed this “food” into his mouth. How could anyone do something this despicable? This abominable?Wooyoung just didn't understand.





	My Strange Addiction

Wooyoung knew something was very wrong. It was like he had a sixth sense, and his nose tingled or some shit whenever the laws of the universe were breached. He just didn't know what.

Did someone leave the milk out? Were the other '99 liners talking about him behind his back?

So Wooyoung sat there, staring out into space and wondering what the hell was going on.

And then Hongjoong came in.

Recently, Hongjoong had developed an unusual taste for blueberry bagels. Not a toasted, crunchy blueberry bagel with cream cheese squished between, but a dry hunk of bread sparsely flecked with fruit in it. This was a crime against humanity. Little babies and puppies were dying every time the older casually stuffed this “food” into his mouth. How could anyone do something this despicable? This abominable?

Wooyoung turned around to see who came into the room and internally cringed at the sight of his leader busily stuffing his face with nothing less than a blueberry bagel like he was eating fried chicken or something delectable. Which was most certainly not a ring of carbs.

“Hyung, why are you eating a bagel without cream cheese? That’s not how you are supposed to eat a bagel.” Wooyoung rolled his eyes.

Hongjoong just stared at his dongsaeng like he was insane, crumbs covering his face. “What do you mean I’m ‘eating this wrong’? There’s nothing wrong with eating a bagel like this. And how would you know? You don’t even like bagels. Besides, cream cheese is gross.”

Wooyoung just threw up his hands. “I’m just saying, hyung. I know for sure normal people don’t eat bread by itself. And bagels are, like, super dry. Put at least butter or something on it.”

Hongjoong pursed his lips and walked out of the room while making sure that Wooyoung had a nice, good view of him and his blueberry bagel.

“Still not changing!! In fact, I think I’ll eat a blueberry bagel every time I see you just to spite you, brat!” Hongjoong called out, then muttering under his breath. “Making me put cream cheese on this perfectly fine snack. What a way to disrespect his hyung.”

“HYUNG! OH MY GOD! PLEASE DON’T! AND I FUCKING HEARD THAT!” Wooyoung chased after his hyung.

“LANGUAGE, BRAT!”

* * *

 

Later that night, Wooyoung snuck down to the kitchen, determined to rid this dorm from blueberry bagels at last.

When he found those damned bagels, he gleefully dumped them into the trash.

Wooyoung would never have to see them ever again. Or so he thought.

* * *

“OH MY GOD, HYUNG! WHY DO YOU DO THIS?” Wooyoung groaned when he saw that the leader had bypassed his nocturnal purge and was now smugly eating a blueberry bagel. He covered his head with his arms as if it would block out the image of teeth sinking into stale, purple tinted bread that was branded into his mind. “I need bleeeeeeeeeeach! I need holy water! Someone take THAT THING away from him!! AAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!”

“Wooyoung, why are you being so loud? It’s too damn early,” San murmured from behind him, stretching and yawning with Shiber tucked under his arm.

Wooyoung’s eyes lit up. San would for sure agree with him. San totally understood how unforgivable and abhorrent this was. It went against the laws of the universe.

“Hyung! Make Hongjoong-hyung stop eating...that,” Wooyoung whined. “It’s not normal!!!”

San just stared at Wooyoung quizzically and walked to the coffee machine to get a cup. “It’s just a bagel, Wooyoung. The world won’t end.”

With that, San walked out of the kitchen.

“Oh my God. This group has lost their fucking minds.” Wooyoung rubbed his face in defeat while Hongjoong just stared at him and happily munched on his bagel.

Wooyoung looked up.

“WILL YOU PLEASE STOP TORMENTING ME?? GO AWAY!! I DON’T WANNA SEE YOU AND YOUR BAGEL!! ATEEZ HAS FORSAKEN ME!!! EIGHT MAKES ONE TEAM MY ASS!!!”  
  
Wooyoung grabbed onto his hyung’s arm and tugged his leader to the doorway and pushed him out. He didn’t even feel sorry when he heard the older yelp. _Serves him right, bastard!_

* * *

It was after a music show, and Wooyoung was very tired, his eyelids drooping and his head falling down to his chest. He was about to nod off to sleep, but then he heard a very, very, VERY familiar sound.

The wet chewing noises of Kim Hongjoong.

Wooyoung slowly cracked open his eyes, afraid of what he would see. Before him, just two inches away from his eyes, was Hongjoong’s grinning face. He was gleefully chewing his bagel, eyes gleaming and wide. In the darkness, it absolutely terrifying.

“HYUNG! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” Wooyoung shrieked as he jumped up a million feet. He scrambled away from the older man and wiped his face aggressively for any stray wet crumbs.

Hongjoong just bursted into laughter, crying and holding his belly. Wooyoung groaned and rubbed his eyes and playfully punched his hyung in the shoulder.  Hongjoong kept on laughing, his breaths coming out in painful sounding wheezes.

And then he collapsed onto the ground.

Not so pleasant choking noises were coming out of the ATEEZ leader, and Wooyoung rushed over to his hyung to see what was wrong. Hongjoong was lying face down on the ground and the choking noises seemed to not stop.

“Shit! Hyung, please tell me you’re not dying right now,” Wooyoung wailed as he flipped his hyung over, panicking even more when he saw a bluish tinge growing on his hyung’s lips.

 _Shit! Oh my God! Hongjoong-hyung is gonna die!!!!!_  Wooyoung started freaking out when the choking noises stopped. He raised the shorter man up and did the weird hugging thing that people did in movies when somebody started choking. 

Hongjoong coughed and some a glob of purple gloop flew out of Hongjoong’s mouth. Hongjoong kept coughing until he tapped Wooyoung’s arm to let him down.

Wooyoung gently let down his hyung, arms shaking for some reason.

“Oh my God, hyung! Don’t do that to me! You almost died!” Wooyoung was now crying because he just experienced a near death experience, and he really hated bagels.

Hongjoong hugged the younger boy even though just like 10 seconds earlier he was two breaths away from going into the light.

“Hey, Wooyoung-ah! I’m ok. Alright? Don’t worry about me.”

“How can I not worry about you when you eat those stupid bagels and annoy me and almost die on me! I told you eating dry bagels is a crime! Why don’t you listen to me, hyung!!” Wooyoung wailed even louder. (At this point, Hongjoong didn’t think Wooyoung was actually crying still and was just being dramatic because bagels got involved.)

“Ok! Ok! I won’t eat anymore bagels if that will make my dongsaeng happy! Now you have to calm down because you’re really fucking loud and my ears hurt.”

Wooyoung looked down at him with suspicion. “Swear it on your mullet.”

Hongjoong just smiled and patted Wooyoung’s shoulder. “Yes. Yes. I, Kim Hongjoong, promise that I will not eat a bagel or may my mullet be violently assaulted by Jung Wooyoung’s scissors.”

Feeling better now that his hyung would no longer endanger himself by eating disgusting blueberry bagels, Wooyoung smiled and hugged his hyung. He thought that this conflict would finally over, and the world would be at peace.

* * *

He did not, however, think of an ATEEZ comeback coming very, very, very soon.

It was a couple weeks after ATEEZ’s first world tour, and Hongjoong’s bagel abstinence had been going strong for about a couple months to the glee of Wooyoung.

Returning home to Seoul was a great relief after weeks of being away. Even though he loved meeting with and performing for all their fans, there was nothing better than to finally sleep in his own bed rather than a cramped plane seat or a stuffy hotel. The small hiatus was definitely refreshing. That is until their manager told them that starting from tomorrow they would be preparing for their next comeback.

Wooyoung knew the producers and Hongjoong were working hard composing and writing their new ep, and Mingi and the others putting in some input. Schedules started filling up with dance practices, studio recordings, photoshoots, and, of course, hair stylist appointments.

This comeback, the stylists planned to darken his hair to an indigo-purple, a bit different from his current silver hair, but Wooyoung was very excited. He and Hongjoong both had appointments today.

Wooyoung saw the results of Yunho-hyung’s bright blue hair. Everyone oohed and ahhed. He, San, and Jongho couldn’t stop fluffing Yunho’s hair, ruffling it every time they passed the taller boy. Yunho would yelp and bat away their hands, whining about how the stylist noonas worked too hard only for brats to mess up his beautiful hair and then run to Mingi, hiding behind the rapper as if that would stop any of them.

Wooyoung smirked at the memory as he sat down in the chair and closed his eyes, taking a nap as the hair stylist worked her magic. In a couple hours, Wooyoung woke to find newly dyed and blow dried hair. He beamed up at his salonist and gave her many loud thank yous before skipping out of the salon to wait for Hongjoong-hyung to get his makeover.

When ATEEZ found out about their new hair styles, everyone shared what their new hair would be except Hongjoong. Hongjoong was surprisingly secretive only smiling and saying that it would be a surprise. It was at that moment that Wooyoung finally could understand what atiny had to go through (well, really any fan) every time ATEEZ dropped a teaser. That little twerp.

As Wooyoung sat in the lobby of the hair salon, he noticed that it took Hongjoong quite a long time, much longer than usual. After a few more minutes, the leader strutted out of the door with a mop of orange hair. Wooyoung waited for the inevitable flick of the mullet over the shoulder, but it never happened.

Hongjoong had short hair. Hongjoong had short hair. Short hair. Short. Hair. SHORT. That meant no mullet. NO. MULLET.

This couldn’t be happening! Hongjoong didn’t just shear off his mullet. His mullet was his pride and joy. Wooyoung remembered all the times Hongjoong would take up all the hot water by taking too long showers because he was too busy conditioning his hair for the fifteenth time. This was a hoax. A bad joke. Hongjoong was wearing a wig. Any minute now, Hongjoong would rip off this ugly hair and then laugh his ass off.

But that moment never came.

Instead, Hongjoong walked right up to Wooyoung, stared right into Wooyoung’s eyes, reached behind him, and pulled out...A BLUEBERRY BAGEL!!!!!!

 _No. No! NONONONONONONO!!!_ It all came back in a rush. In a series of flashes that made Wooyoung’s head hurt. He remembered Hongjoong choking. He remembered the oath to not eat blueberry bagels unless Hongjoong wanted to unbecome Mullet Man. No mullet meant...meant...the oath was nullified. Wooyoung had nothing over Hongjoong. He could do literally nothing as he watched his hyung relapse back to his old vices.

It was like everything was in slow motion. Hongjoong pushed the bagel into his piehole, closing his eyes as his teeth sank into the dry bread and moaning loudly as he finally had his first taste of blueberry in three months. Wooyoung’s mouth opened in horror, a wail of pain and terror grew out of his throat slowly. His hands went up to his new hair and pulled hard. Wooyoung collapsed to the floor as he could do nothing but watch as Hongjoong devoured the bagel and made filthy noises that should NOT be made while eating.

After a painful and taxing four minutes, Hongjoong dusted his hands and wiped off the crumbs on his face. He leered down at Wooyoung who was too traumatised to notice that the visual assault was over.

“Wooyoung-ah.”

Wooyoung looked up with broken eyes. He noticed a stray crumb on the far side of Hongjoong’s cheek. The shorter man bent down to where Wooyoung sat, numb, and raised his fingers to Wooyoung’s face.

Hongjoong stared down at his dongsaeng with serious eyes.

“I am inevitable.”

With that, Hongjoong turned around and was about to walk out of the door, but Wooyoung called out to him.

“WAIT! Hongjoong-hyung! Wait!”

Wooyoung walked up to his hyung. He looked down at his hyung with what he hoped were sympathetic eyes.

“Hyung, you got a little something on your face.”

Wooyoung raised his hand.

And slapped Hongjoong hard across the face.

Hongjoong howled in pain. Wooyoung looked down at his hand and saw that the purple crumb was lying innocently in his palm.

Wooyoung eye smiled and raised his hand to show his hyung.

“Don’t worry hyung! I got it off!”

And Wooyoung walked off.

After this incident, Hongjoong threw out his entire stash of Costco blueberry bagels. Never to be seen again.

**Author's Note:**

> Waow...that ending was very mucho mucho 🤠
> 
> Listened to last forty seconds of desire on repeat while writing the ending...Hnggggg
> 
> This was inspired by this dude in my Spanish class that brought a blueberry bagel everyday.


End file.
